A walk in the woods.

I had a quiet walk in the woods today. For two days I've been anxious and worried, mostly about things to do with my health.
I have started a "couch to 5k" running programme which I'm really enjoying. Last night however, I couldn't relax into the run. I tried to run at the pace of others, and became exhausted. I didn't stop running, but I would have, had I been alone. Now I'm anxious about the next run. Will I be able to keep up? Will I feel physically sick again? Is there something wrong with me? Lol.

Anyway, here are some photos of my walk in the woods today. The bluebells were out, waving in the wind and smelled beautiful. I couldn't bring myself to pick any, though my six year old daughter won't have a problem with that when she's with me :-)

Paris.

Back in October 2012, my husband asked me if I fancied running the Paris Marathon in April 2013. I said yes almost immediately. It would cut to the chase, and I know when not to protest. I'd run the Paris half marathon in 2012 in a painfully slow time after 6 weeks preparation. This would be double the distance with more time to train.
As it happened, I found a breast lump 6 weeks later and embarked on two rounds of surgery over the winter instead of training, so our trip to Paris last week morphed into a short family holiday in which to visit the sights and be spectators at the Marathon de Paris.

Getting back to normal :)

It's been a little over 2 weeks now since mastectomy. It has been a lovely, healing period. Lots of quiet time with my husband and children. Lots of comfort food, fleece blankets and Miss Marple on Netflix :)
Crochet was easy when one arm was out of action. I completed the little granny square blanket I started about a year ago.

I've started going for long walks again this week. I tried a few running steps too and it didn't feel too weird having just one breast bounce up and down :D I don't intend to start running though any time soon.

Started quilting my newest quilt today. It's very heavy work when one arm is a little delicate. I cleared my mum's old table, and quilted on that where I had lots of space. Had to quilt a little bit at a time, rather than sitting at it for long periods.
I'm pleased with the results so far.

Have been reading this book to my 6 year old daughter. She brought it up to the hospital so I could read it to her here. It's written by a mother who had a mastectomy.
My daughter has brought me spare pyjamas and hugs and kisses since I've been here. She's been looking after her daddy and big brothers too. A busy bee.

Mastectomy day.

My imagination went into overdrive in the days leading up to this operation. It needn't have. I'm feeling physically fine. I have pain but I expected to have pain. I feel like I've overdone it at the gym with a chest expander. I expect the real pain will kick in tomorrow. I've opted for reconstruction with an implant, so the pain is coming from the area under the pectoral muscle where they've placed a temporary expander pouch.

I'm concentrating on the physical recovery. I know I will be better equipped to deal with the emotional stuff when I'm physically healed.

I feel good. Relieved. Grateful. Hopeful. Excited even. My husband and children have visited. Their relief was palpable . Giddy and joyful as they left.

Not a cloud in the sky today in this part of Ireland.

The day before.

Tomorrow I'm having a mastectomy. I'll be blogging my way through recovery. I don't know why, but I'm hoping it will help me. I don't feel nervous. I don't feel relaxed. I'm feeling reflective and resigned to what's ahead for me.

Back here again.

Here are a couple of tiny wall hanging quilts I made last Summer as gifts. Full of flaws, and mismatching, but still lovely. Tiny little pieces sewn together to make something pretty. I didn't know then that the next 6 months would be difficult, yet beautiful, frightening, yet more full of love than at any other time,

Carolina Moon.